On bitterness

It shows up when you least expect it.
And you always have to work so hard to prevent its weeds from choking out the fruitfulness you've built up.

BITTERNESS.

Felt when things don't work out the way you thought they would, when you feel something happened unfairly, when an area of someone else'slife is going splendidly and you are stuck in a rut.

I've been meaning to write a post about this since March, when I noticed that I had some roots that needed severing.

You see, I had a job interview in February for Central Market in Southlake. I was super excited about this opportunity, did really well in the group interview, and thought my previous experience with HEB would make me a shoe-in. I mean, I have a degree in Nutrition, have eaten foods from around the world, and am super personable and naturally friendly...what's not to love? I fully expected a call back and was gearing up to be a productive member of society that is happily employed.

Nope.
Didn't happen.
No call back, not even an offer to wait until a better position opened up, one that could really use my expertise.
No explanation, either.
What was I missing?
Received a dinky little email saying that they could not hire me at this time.
Annnddddd I was crushed.

Why did they not want me to work for them? What did I do wrong in the interview? After going through this season of confusion, unemployment, and weird transition since getting back from the Race, why had the Lord not been faithful to me? This job would have been perfect! Good location, solid company I love, and a place to use my degree...not to mention a nice discount at a place I already shop.

Mourned the loss and thought I was over it until I did the grocery shopping the following week. I could feel my jaw tightening as I walked through the doors, and thoughts began flooding into my head as I walked around the store.

"what makes you so qualified to work here?"
"I'm still unemployed...what makes you so special that they hired you?"
And when I made eye contact with one of the managers I interviewed with..."you'll regret not hiring me. Why didn't you do it?"

I had to consciously remind myself to calm down because I was getting so worked up --which is very unlike me! I don't usually get angry about things, and it was like a dark cloud settled over me as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. To make matters worse, I saw that one of my fellow interviewees was working at the register.

"really? They hired YOU over ME?"

I left in a huff of frustration, and it revisited for the following trips until I realized what was happening.

I was bitter.

Mad at them for not hiring me, mad at the Lord for not providing a job for me even though I had been trying so hard, mad that I STILL had to tell people I didn't have a job yet, and upset that it seemed like nothing would work out in my favor.

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled" -Hebrews 12:15

Oops.

It was hard to see what God had planned for me, hard to see what in the WORLD he wanted me to do, and I really wanted this job! It really stunk to be rejected by so many employers when I came home....often after an interview and and expression of interest in hiring me. Why???

A few weeks later, I got a call from David. I had dropped off a resume at Buon Giorno in a fit of frustration, not even bothering to ask for an application. I had forgotten about it, and was surprised to hear his pleasant British lilt on the phone.."would you be interested in coming in for an interview?"

Yes, please!

Had a great interview, and got hired within the day. Was ecstatic to finally be employed, and could not comprehend what a blessing this job would turn out to be in the following months.

It has now been 3 months since I started at BG, and I am SO THANKFUL for each moment I have there. I love my coworkers, the regulars, and have even made some dear friends in the process. Plus I get paid!

Looking back, I am glad the Lord kept me in that rough patch, that Central Market didn't hire me. I would not have this built-in community, flexible hours, comradery among coworkers, or an awesome boss who says "love ya!" when he leaves.

Alright, Lord, you really do know what you're doing... :)


Do you recognize any bitterness in your life? How do you go about combatting it?