Unsuccessful woman

The motivation for starting this blog was to figure out what to do next, find a job and a place to live and just grow up in general. I've had many moments of freak out in these past three weeks (you would think I'd give myself the permission to just be after going for a whole year), and was reminded last night of how I'm actually not defined by whether I have a job or not, or if I still live with my parents, or even if I have everything figured out. [thanks to elaina rogers for that reminder] The world tells me that I need to get it together, be a productive member of society, and fast, because otherwise I'm unsuccessful. 


So, I decided to share a blog entry that my good friend John Hearn wrote while still on the field. I didn't edit it at all, but you can just insert "Texas", "24 years old", and "woman" in the appropriate spaces. Enjoy!




It's bittersweet really…in just 21 days, I'll replant my feet firmly back on US soil at LAX, say goodbye to 35 of the most amazing people I've ever met, and board a plane - destination: Kentucky.  Although I can't wait to see my family, play with my boxer, Paris, and eat and sleep my way through the holidays, I can honestly say that I'm hesitant, maybe even scared, to return home…

My mind is RaCiNg, GOING, SpinninG, SPeAKiNG …
  
I don't know if I can live up to the expectations people have placed on me to change. 
I'm walking back into a world I no longer recognize.
Perhaps some people have forgotten that I'm even gone.  
I have no idea what my next steps are.  
There's still some pain I haven't dealt with.
Everyone has moved on without me.
I wonder if my dog will even remember me.  

I'm no longer considered successful. 

It's true.  I'm NOT a successful man.  To the world I have no worth, no value, no meaning, no significance….to the world, John Hearn is a failure…

What's successful about a life where...

I've lived the last year out of a backpack.  
I‘ve worn the same 6 shirts for the last 11 months.
I shower, if I'm lucky, 2-3 times a week.  
I've been eating on only $3 a day.
I've lived amongst the homeless. 
I‘ve slept in airports, bus stations, trucks, tree houses, and tents.  
My best friends this year have been orphans, drunkards, the sick, and prostitutes. 
I've cried more this year than I have in my entire life.  
I'm scrawny and almost always hungry. 
I have more probability of winning the lottery than I do of not carrying a parasite home. 

I'm 28 years old and…
I don't have a job. 
I have no plans for my future.
My bank account is a barren wasteland.
401K…nope.
I'm living with my parents when I get home.
I'm not married. 
I have no children.
I don't have medical insurance to go to a doctor. 

Who would really want to go home AS that, to BE that, to LIVE like that…

The world watches me and FROWNS.  
Men look at me and LAUGH. 
Women stare at me and SIGH. 
The church observes me and GOSSIPS. 
Old friends remember me and FORGET. 

But GOD see's me and SMILES!!
The TRUTH is, when I hold up the mirror of the world I'm not successful.  I don't fall into any of the worldly, acceptable categories of a successful man…

Rich Professional. 
Soccer Dad. 
Romantic Husband. 
Company Mogul
Famous Celebrity
Sporty All-American.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 

1 Corinthians 4:18

We live in a world that values money, possessions, and good fortune over God's Kingdom!!

Therefore I don't want to be a successful man in the world's eyes.  I want to be like Jesus!

Jesus…

Was an alien in this world. 
Befriended the least of these. 
Hung out with a prostitute named Mary. 
Was homeless. 
Owned nothing. 
Never married.  
Had no children. 
Never earned a degree.
Was frowned upon by society. 
Didn't have a job. 
Was considered crazy. 
Was mocked and laughed at. 
Was killed for what he believed in. 
Relied on the generosity of others. 
Had others walk away from him. 
Didn't fit into a mold. 
Didn't fulfill other's expectations. 
Didn't answer to the world. 
Went about his Father's business. 
Saved. 
Was a King!

“I have been CRUCIFIED with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ

 who lives in me!” Galatians 2:20

I rejoice when the world doesn't recognize me! 
I'm elated when my bank account goes dry! 
I'm joyful when I don't know where I'm going to sleep! 
I go CRAZY when the world doesn't find me acceptable! 
I stand tall when others try to look over me!
I sing when the world no longer recognizes me!

“The reason that the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”  

1 John 3:1-2

I don't want to be of this world. 
I don't want to be considered a "real" man.
I don't want to collect things that rot away with time. 
I don't want a title that has no significance in Heaven. 
I don't want to settle for the American Dream. 
I don't want to spend my life toiling for a house and a yard that will eventually be destroyed.
I don't want to have all of the money in the world only to be bankrupt in the heavenly realms.
I don't want to live by a time clock. 
I don't want to be normal. 
I don't want to follow a pattern. 
I don't want to live up to expectations. 
I don't want to blend in. 
I don't want to be known by a world that doesn't know Jesus.
I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul. 
I don't want to fill myself up with temporary things. 
I don't want to be successful in the world if it means being unsuccessful in the kingdom!

Kingdom work is where…

true JOY lies.  

true PEACE inhabits.
  
true LIFE is found.  
Believe that when I step off that plane and my feet hit the Bluegrass of Kentucky I'll be…

Walking Tall. 
Standing Firm. 
Smiling from ear to ear. 
Holding my head high. 
Rich beyond belief. 
Loved more than I've ever been loved. 
Proud. 
Humble. 
Thankful. 
Inspired. 
Grateful. 
Blessed. 

For the past 11 months I've discovered REAL success through Jesus.  I've tasted it, felt it, lived it…
I've partnered with Jesus to…

Heal the sick. 
Feed the hungry. 
Give a prostitute her first Bible. 
Baptize over 20 girls who have been rescued from sex slavery. 
Worship with Gypsies.
Construct new homes.
Love on orphans. 
Care for children with AIDS.
Lead a squad.
Apologize to sex workers for the way men treat them.
Watch a man's limp leg grow in front of me.. 
See the lame walk. 
Carry a crippled widow in her wheelchair and bring her food. 
Clothe the needy. 
Comfort the mourning. 
Do life with 35 of the most amazing people ever. 
Make best friends with Romanian college students Kinga and Zoltan.
Tell Hindu students about Jesus.
Dig a fish pond. 
Play with street children. 
Pray with the hopeless. 
Baptize my two teammates Evan and Lindsey. 
Preach to the lost. 
Witness miracles. 
Grow the Kingdom. 
Set the captives free. 
Encourage churches and young pastors like Daniel from Nepal and Andrew from Moldova.
Bring the Good News to the Nations. 

It doesn't matter if I'm…. 

Married or single. 
On my own or with a family.
Employed or unemployed. 
Big or small. 
Black or white.
Handsome or unattractive. 
Educated or uneducated. 
Athletic or artsy.
Rich or poor. 
Sick or healthy. 
Accepted or rejected. 
Encouraged or laughed at. 
Known or unknown….

The only thing I consider to be a REAL SUCCESS is becoming more like 


JESUS 


LOVING like Jesus.        SERVING like Jesus.         LIVING like Jesus.